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Socialite Rebecca Hotchkiss Crane was recently caught in a compromising position (yes, again), this time outside on the ledge of a swanky Harmony hotel. We checked in with this girl gone wild for a quickie about her scandalous adventure.

It's so good to see you again, Mrs… is it Hotchkiss again?
Bite your tongue! I may be divorced from Julian but it's still Rebecca Hotchkiss CRANE. It goes without saying that the Crane name opens a lot of doors, and a lot of pants zippers!

Speaking of open zippers... I heard a scandalous rumor about you making love to a mysterious man on the ledge of a hotel!
Yes, the rumor is true. I was hiding out on the ledge with a good friend of mine. It was dark and rainy... and well, being out in a storm always turns me on. Have you ever seen "The Notebook?" Anyway, we had time to kill and nowhere else to go.

You must be very agile…
Of course. You wouldn't believe what I've learned from acrobats and circus performers. Would you like me to demonstrate?

Ahem. Thank you, but no. So who was this mystery lover? Don't try to tell me it was Spider-Man.
I can't really say...

Well, I heard it was our former editor, J.T. Cornell.
Don't be ridiculous, I've never even met J.T.! Just because someone text messaged me, talking about how he hasn't heard from me since he was in Rome... it doesn't mean it's J.T. Cornell. I know plenty of men from Rome.

I'm sure you do. But I have no idea what text messages you're talking about.
Oh. Nevermind.

Now what do you have to say about those rumors that you and your daughter, Gwen, are responsible for exposing Ethan Winthrop's true paternity? Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald Crane is adamant that you two set her up.
Theresa is a filthy liar. That woman will do anything to steal my daughter's husband away. You can never trust poor people. She might have money now to disguise her upbringing but she still has the morals of an alley cat.

Meow. So now that you've made your way through both Alistair and Julian, are you ready to move on to the next generation of Crane men?
Well, I'm not quite done with the elder generation yet.

Please tell me you're talking about Julian and not Alistair's corpse.
They never found his corpse, silly. I'm sure it was incinerated in that train wreck. No, I was talking about my pookie, Julian. He's too much fun to give up so easily. He really knows how to satisfy my needs.

Yes, your role-playing games are quite infamous. New Year's Eve 2002...
(Squeals with delight) Father Time and Baby New Year! I'd really like to persuade Julian to participate in a new game inspired by a high-profile celebrity couple. If not, maybe his son, Fox, would be interested. Or Julian's new half-brother, Chad.

Aren't they both engaged?
I really don't see your point. Anyway, if all else fails, I have Stavros Niarchos on speed dial.

Paris Hilton's ex?
Yes, I can teach that Greek shipping scion what it's like to be with a real woman. I'll make his stars go blind.

By the way, how is that classified working out for you? Find a new pool boy yet?
I've gotten a few responses. So far the best candidate seems to be some guy named Marco.


Pool… Marco… Polo… it's a game.
Does it involve whips of any kind?

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